Messiah

[nepenthe]

One of the two dudes writing memoirs in my writing group believes that he was immaculately conceived. He also believes that after a night spent drinking, passing around a joint, snorting coke and getting himself into a major car collision (wherein the head trauma he suffered caused him to black out and not recall the collision itself) God spoke to him saying, and I quote:

 

“Your life has a purpose.”

 

Strangely enough, I don’t doubt he was hearing voices.

I wonder if that means God placed me fully formed in my mother's womb on Nov. 9, 1983, the day of my birth. It must be true, because there was only one heartbeat (we'll just ignore how many twins' heartbeats beat in sync) and only one baby registering on the sonogram (ignoring the lesser technology of the day). Therefore, I hadn't grown in my mother's womb. Therefore, the only possible explanation is that God placed me there miraculously.

It's what I believe, therefore you cannot criticize it. Or postulate other explanations.