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Getting cereal this morning, I hear a funny crunching noise from the living room and see Coco eating something. Given there is nothing edible for cats in the living room, I shooed her away, turned on the light and saw it was an enormous roach. Not the small roaches from my previous infested apartment. A roach a little over an inch in size. That Coco was eating.
So far, most disgusting thing I have ever seen Coco eating.
Coco Detruction
Jul. 2nd, 2013 12:01 pmI you don't feel you've had enough Coco destruction in your life, or doubt the veracity of her determination to destroy all garbage bags, here is what she did to the kitchen garbage bag. This was AFTER I installed the childproof latches:
You can see the demon inside.
Coco Destroys Bedspread
Jun. 29th, 2013 09:53 pmCoco has a new hobby. She claws my bedspread but instead of retracting them to get them out like every other cat on the planet, she chews them out. Rinse, repeat.
Here is a video of Ampersand and I watching on as Coco does this. Over. And over. And over.
She can do this for hours.
Ampersand wonders why I have brought this creature into our home.
Edit: Here's a small sampling of Coco's fine work:
Coco Pics!
Jun. 21st, 2013 12:06 pmGratuitous Chere Coco Chanel, The Detroyer pics!
Why Mom never gets any work done:
A Coco Box:
But she's so cute:
And my baby, Ampersand:
Coco and Ampersand got along. Once.
Coco Found a Bobbin
Jun. 21st, 2013 11:36 amI had friends over for food and games (which turned out to be one looooong game of Munchkin) last night which was excellent fun for all!
In anticipation of their arrival, I set about cleaning. This meant unveiling the mortal enemy of cats everywhere: The Vacuum. All went as well as one might expect (cats fleeing in terror), until I got to my sewing table.
Coco had discovered a bobbin.
For those not in the know, simply, a bobbin is:
a) A small, round roll thread is reeled onto – provides the under-stitch for sewing machines
b) A cat toy that takes the thrill of chasing string and encases it in a cat-sized, bat-around-able ball.
Utilizing this medium, Coco created an intricate webbing design by winding the bobbin through the legs of the sewing machine, the cat tree and end table entitled: You’re Gonna Need the Scissors, Mom.
I cut free my furniture. Found bobbin under TV. Checked the mess of wires that is my lamps/sewing machine/TV/modem/cable box and reclaimed another bobbin and 2 rolls of thread I didn’t know I’d lost, as they had come in a plastic grab bag from Goodwill (which Coco had chewed through and liberated two months ago).
Yesterday, Coco was an absolute Terror. With that capital T, as she was both Tormentor (of Ampersand and me, if you count the non-stop screaming) and Terrible (walking all over me all night while I was trying to sleep, on top of Destruct-o-matic).
You know what the cats are doing right now? Sleeping by one other. Not touching and facing one another just in case, but Coco and Ampersand are lying about a foot apart nearby me on the floor. Coco has been a tiny, fluffy angel. There was but one moment of sissing earlier, but that was during play time with feather toys and sometimes that gets rough.
What the hell, cat? What the freaking hell? Did you exhaust the demon within? You're making me feel like a terrible person for contemplating rehoming you, wearing that little halo all day. Behave like this here on out, and it will be fine for everyone.
*sigh.
Living with Coco
Sep. 18th, 2012 07:36 amI woke up this morning to all my trash bags pulled from their roll and strewn all over my kitchen floor. The large paper bag I was using for all my recycling stuff has been destroyed. This brings Coco total shit destroyed to several strands of DMC thread, a worry doll I made, part of a plant, and a loaf of bread (tore through the plastic bag and knocked it on the floor). This doesn't include all the times she's knocked over the trash can and recycling. Don't tell me the reason she destroys all my things because she doesn't have enough to entertain her. Au contraire. She's destroyed 2 of the seven cat toys floating around this apartment. One of them Ampersand's favorite toy.
Screw cat food. I'm gonna go broke amusing these cats.
Edit: Also, the latex gloves I use for de-pitting cherries, fabric dying, and cleaning have been destroyed.
Cats and Gallifrey One
Sep. 16th, 2012 02:40 pmI have two cats who are spatially challenged.
Ampersand cannot lay down in a lap. She gets on the lap, finds a place where she wants to lay her head, and then lets the rest of her body fall where it will whether or not there’s anything under it. More often than not, there’s nothing and she goes splat.
Chere Coco cannot jump. She either under-estimates how much effort she needs, like attempting to reach the couch but ends up having to claw her way up, or over estimates. Yesterday she tried to get on the narrow kitchen windowsill. She overshot and slammed into the glass like a confused bird. Without any purchase on the narrow sill, she slid down into the trashcan, upset the trash and spread garbage all over my floor as she fled. Which explains why I sometimes come home to trash all over my floor.
Had a passing fancy that I’d like to attend Gallifrey One. Turns out, it’s in February during the season where I can’t take vacation time no thanks to work.
Either A: So much for that idea
Or B: Maybe find some other job beforehand.
Chances of B are unlikely.
Edit: Just found Coco using her claws to climb her way up the clothes in my closet. Clawing. Up. My. Clothes. This is right out.
Vet? Again?
Sep. 4th, 2012 07:50 amChere Coco Chanel's eye is drippy, cloudy, it's bothering her and she' still sneezing.
Damnit. Back to the Vet.
Edit: Yup. Coco's still not all better. Eyes and nose goopy and runny, and her ears are still dirty. Doctor said no sign of ear mites. It's still that stupid bacteria which hasn't let up. She's getting stronger meds: stronger antibiotics, stronger ear stuff, will get more of the ani-viral gel, and eye cream. Neither Coco or I am happy about any of this. I WAS going to introduce the two kitties today. Instead, it's going to be another 2 weeks of cat separation. Two. Weeks.
Not going so well
Aug. 30th, 2012 01:12 amAm miserable, for many a reason. I can’t do anything right. Nothing. At work, I need a min of 75 sales to keep myself a nice paycheck. I can expect to make about 3-4 reservations a day. At LEAST one. On Monday, I managed to get myself to 74. I could totally manage five more in two days, even if it’s slow. Tuesday, I got nothing. Okay, not good. But not the end of the world. I can still pull through and manage one measly reservation. I mean, it’s, like, statistically impossible to go TWO WHOLE DAYS without a single reservation. Right?
Guess who couldn't get ONE in TWO DAYS? You guessed it!
So not being able to get ONE more reservation has cost me about $400 in pay. And these are already the slow months. Considering last month I was TWO away from 100 reservations and that cost me about $700—this fucking disappointing, paycheck murdering job. I don’t like my job. I really don’t like the ‘tiered’ incentive system. I hate sales. I HATE SALES. I hate talking to other human beings all day, given that human beings are incredibly, incredibly stupid.
This past week, I had a real, live adult human say, “I live in Florida and I want to cruise to Hawaii”. Note, there’s no question there. Already, #1 pet peeve achieved. Usually, this sort of statement is the question, "I'd like to go to Hawai'i. I live in Florida, so could you give me a price for air as well as price out the cruise for me?" But no one asks this. NO ONE. EVER.
My response? “We have a 7 day Hawai’i interisland itinerary roundtrip from Honolulu. I can price that out with air, if you're trying to say you need flight. What airport would you like to fly out from?” And then she treats me like I’m the idiot. “I said I wanted a cruise from Florida to Hawaii.” My response? “Are you saying you want to take a ship that leaves out from a Florida port that goes to Hawaii.” “Yes.” “And back?” (like I’m stupid) “Yes.” And I flat out said, “Ma’am, there’s no cruise line that does that.” “Well, why not?” “You do realize that the state you live in is in the Atlantic ocean?” “Of course.” “And that Hawai’i is in the Pacific?” Silence as her brain muscles slowly, slowly begin to churn. “And between these oceans are the continents of North and South America blocking any direct route, right? If I were to guess as to how long it would take, well. We have a panama canal cruise that takes 15 days to get from Miami to Los Angeles. That’s the most direct route. Then throw on another 10-ish days to get to Hawai’i, then there’s the week to cruise the islands, then you have to, you know. Sail back. All in all, it would take two months. So that’s why no one has a cruise from Florida to Hawai’i and I wouldn’t hold out hope anyone will change their mind.”
That was on a day that I made reservations, by the way.
Then there was my choice to get another cat. I got another cat so Ampersand would have a friend, someone to keep her company when I can’t spend time with her. Except now I have two cats. And Ampersand has far, far, far LESS time to spend with me as Coco is actually cray-cray. An attention whore and I suspect a little evil. I suspect introducing them won’t go well. At all. It might be a long, long time before they get along. If they ever get along. Might be a long time before Coco chills the fuck out.
But I need to sleep, and how. It’s going to be a LOOOOOOOOONG day tomorrow, trying to intro the cats and keep the peace and not have Coco murder me in my sleep.
Cats, how do their brains work?
Aug. 27th, 2012 10:47 pmUp 'til tonight Coco has been nothing but a remarkably tolerant fluff ball whose only vice is attention seeking behavior, like sleeping on my head or lying down in front of my laptop keyboard for petting.
Until tonight; tonight, when Statan possessed Coco.
It think it's multiple things. For one, Coco does not like hard food. I put it out for her along with several different food options when she was sick and not eating, including boiled raw chicken, ground beef, milk, and chicken baby food. This was in the hopes she'd eat something. Except now she's had the taste of deliciousness and doesn't want hard food. I've cut back on the special food and mixed the hard food in with the soft. She eats around the hard bites.
So she's a picky eater. Not necessarily a bad thing. She's of a temperament to allow me to clip her claws, put drops in her ears twice a day, and shove two different types of medicine down her throat every morning. She's done all this without more than the customary protests and attempts not to hurt me, but merely to escape. The only scratches I've gotten from her have been from over-zealous kneading pre-clipped claws. And it's not like she doesn't know Ampersand's in the house. When I carry her from the bedroom I've got her quarantined in to the bathroom where I give her meds in the morning. The see each other. Does even an ounce of her body tense? Do they exchange angry words? Nope. They watch, carefully, but without menace.
Except tonight.
I've been careful to try an split my time. After all, I work a regular job and am gone most of the day. I spend about half my evening eating, watching TV and playing with Ampersand, then the later part of the night with my laptop at the table in my bedroom with Coco. The door is shut to that room, and being Phoenix and summertime, it gets warmer than I'd like even though there is a vent. So being that the cats are surprisingly good, I cracked the door. Stupidly, I did not pay close enough attention and apparently, they were on either side of the crack. Coco had some strong words--angry meowing followed by hissing. But there was no exchange of blows and I shut the door very quickly.
Coco wound down after that. I took out a feathers on a stick toy, we played. She hadn't touched any of the food. I hung out on the laptop, petted her for a bit. But I needed to shower and wanted to watch a little TV and spend some time with Ampersand. So I did. About 9:30, all of that was settled, so I took my laptop again into the bedroom and for awhile things were good. I brushed her, play with the toy more. Sat down to read some fanfic while petting Coco (or trying to read it around Coco lying down on my keyboard). Then I remembered that I needed to do her ear drops, so I left to get the meds and when I came back in the room Coco shouted at me (she's been doing this more and more). But she allowed me to put meds in her ears and I left again to return the meds to the fridge. Except this time when I got back, there was more shouting and when I sat down, she knocked over some of my dishes and I was all, 'well, fine, she's upset. Let's put this in the kitchen and since she's got to be hungry, bring her some chicken baby food' then when I came back there wasn't just angry shouting, there was a furious Coco, eyes dilated, her angry shouts evolving into full-blown hissing. I sort of tossed down the bowl of baby chicken food, which she delved into and gathered up my laptop to flee--between om noms she made angry meows at me.
I'm not sure what to make of this. Coco is just getting her health back from a very bad week. Her stress levels must be sky-high. She seems like the kind of cat who needs/wants lots of attention. While she was sick, she didn't need as much, but now that she's feeling better and she hasn't been getting it, she's angry. And maybe it just struck home that there's another cat. That's getting all of the attention she deserves. Maybe she got more and more frustrated every time I left.
I went back in there one more time to grab a sheet, a blanket, my humidifier, and shut off the light. And sprayed some Feliway around. There was some meowing, but it was of the variety I've come to expect from her upon my entrance. I googled some stuff on cat behavior and what I came across all says that for unwanted aggressive behavior, it's best to withdraw attention and affection. So. I'm sleeping out with Ampersand tonight.
At least I know she won't kill me in my sleep.
Mental stuff and a pet tag
Aug. 24th, 2012 12:41 pmShould’ve found myself a counselor sooner. Should’ve done it back when as my health benefits kicked in. Two years ago. It’s free for the first 3 sessions, a $20 co-pay and a $500 deductible. It’s straight forward and affordable on my income and why, why did I ever put this off?
As for finding a counselor, that’s another story. I called my general practitioner, who is amazing, for a recommendation and I called that lady last Thursday. I didn’t hear back from her until this past Wednesday at 4 PM. On the one hand, she was my doctor’s rec. On the other, she’s really shitty about returning phone calls. Have tried contacting her since, leaving her a message telling her explicitly that I have all of Thursdays and Fridays off, I have my phone on and will be able to take her call anytime, and yet no word.
I don’t think I can take work advice from someone who has the luxury of a business so lucrative she can still afford not returning calls w/in 24 business hours and seems to work only three days a week. But enough of that. Set an appointment w/ another counselor for the fifth of Sept. and left messages for two more. Will try these, see how things work out. If not, I live in a big city; there are others.
In happier news, Coco is getting better by the day (in fact, I have a bundle of Coco on my lap at this very moment). It’s been almost a year since I last had a cat in my lap. Nothing against Ampersand! She’s a great bed buddy (unlike Coco who just wants to sleep on my face and kneed my hair into knots) and so much fun to play with, but I’ve missed having a lap cat. We’ll get her ears all cleaned out and hopefully once Coco feels better, she resume grooming herself. I do not want to resort to giving her baths. It’s also time to order her an ID tag. Etsy to the rescue!
Do we like:
1. 
2.
3
or
4.
I don’t like my job.
I really, really don’t like my job. I work for a cruise line, in sales. I’m good at my job; I got 99% on my last performance review, get a fair # of reservations, and even get people who are so shocked by my level of customer service they request to speak to my supervisor just to say nice things about the level of shocked they are that someone does that good of a job.
But there are so many stupid people.
So, so many stupid people.
Allow me to break my silence and document their stupidity.
My #1 pet peeve is making a statement, but intending for me to infer the question you are asking. Exhibit A:
Guest: I’ve sailed with you before, but I don’t know my guest number.
nepenthe: Okay.
Guest: . . . . . . .
nepenthe: Are you asking the question: what is my guest number?
Fine. It’s not all that great a leap of logic to work out that they are asking what their guest number is. However it is insanely, ridiculously simple to ask a question. Fuck, it’s only my goddamn job to answer your questions! You needn’t ask: “May I ask you a question?” Of fucking course you can!
If I could say what I really wanted to say, the above conversation would go like this:
Guest: I’ve sailed with you before, but I don’t know my guest number.
nepenthe: Okay.
Guest: . . . . . . .
nepenthe: You’ve made a statement. If you’d like to construct a question, please consult a book concerning English syntax and grammar. Remember: we need to use our words!
General stupidity abounds. If I had a nickel every time any of this shit happened:
nepenthe: What’s your phone number?
Guest: Yes.
nepenthe: Who will be joining your for this vacation?
Guest: I don’t want to make a reservation! I’m not telling you!
How I’d like to respond to the previous statement:
nepenthe: Who will be joining your for this vacation?
Guest: I don’t want to make a reservation! I’m not telling you!
nepenthe: Like I give a shit if you make a reservation. “Who will be joining you for this vacation” is a polite way to ask: how many people and what are their ages. Since you seem to speak “asshole” I’ll speak in your language: how many fucking people, because the goddamn ticket price for the cabin varies depending on how many are going, and I'm assuming that at some point, you might want to know THE TOTAL AMOUNT YOU’LL PAY. Now if you’re not sure of who all is going, you may say, “I’m not sure. Could be X or Y” and, I know this is crazy, but I’ll price BOTH out for you.
I could go on. Really.
But I'm not because Chere Coco finally ate food tonight, yay Coco! She seems to be feeling much better, coming out from under the bed, eating, drinking. To celebrate, let's take a look at some gratuitous Chere Coco Chanel photos!
Look at those whiskers! They are some crazy long whiskers. Only thing you can't really see in these shots are her eyes. They are super crazy too; black pupil, surrounded by a multi-colored iris. There's a ring of green around her pupil and that's surrounded by yellow-green and that's surrounded by gold. But she is the sweetest little girl. My shots kept being ruined because as soon as I showed any interest in her, she's jump up and come over to be petted and cuddled. I took a nap this afternoon and little Coco couldn't get close enough for a cuddle. She laid down on my face (so much fur you guys. so much fur). Not sure if wanting cuddles or trying to smother me. Maybe both.
