nepenthe | growing up nepenthe: on violence, part two (Reply)

When I was in first grade I was a member of Campfire Boys and Girls along with my two sisters: the Twin and the Favorite. It was Stranger Danger Day. Little nepenthe, being me, was quite certain she knew everything about everything Stranger Danger related, as my mother had thoroughly explained what to do when a stranger approaches you. This is the key pattern to look for: stranger approaches you. In that order. That was the warning parameters. So when it came to doing audience participation sketches, uninhibited attention-whore little nepenthe had her hand up in the air, waving around to be the chosen one. It was gratifying that I accurately predicted the correct action to take in each scene, one after the other.

Stranger approaches in a car and offers you candy?

Run back to parent, home or school.

Stranger approaches your door and rings asking for help finding lost puppy?

Don’t answer door, seek parent.

Of course the Stranger Danger Lady probably found me annoying. The little-miss-know-it-all in the front row waving her arm and making monkey noises to be chosen. She saved the trick scenario for last and selected me from the audience. The scene played out like this:

Little nepenthe was given one of those red rubber playground balls. The narration of the story set the scene out in the front yard, playing with said ball.

Little nepenthe enacts playing with the ball.

The narrator instructs that she loses control of the ball and it rolls across the street.

This does not work out so well. Little nepenthe informs the narrator she is always very careful playing outside and is defiant of letting the ball roll carelessly across the imaginary street. After coaxing and the other children muttering for her to get on with it, the ball was batted from Little nepenthe’s hands by the Narrator toward the Stranger Danger Lady’s waiting hands.

This makes Little nepenthe ANGRY.

If that weren’t enough, the Stranger Danger Lady scoops up the ball, crooks her finger at Little nepenthe and says, and I quote: “Come here little girl.”

Now Little nepenthe is both angry and uncertain. This does not follow the Stranger Danger Pattern—after all, she was the one to lose the ball. Agency was with her. The Lady only happened to be around to catch the ball. In this instance, the pattern was you approach stranger. Little nepenthe realizes that, oh, this wasn’t about Stranger Danger! This was Street Safety! Makes perfect sense.

Little nepenthe was still angry and sensing a ‘trick,’ though. She enacts looking both ways crossing the street. With slow, deliberate steps and slit, suspicious eyes, she approached the Stranger Danger Lady.

WARNING: Here is where the Stranger Danger Lady did something YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER DO AS A CHILDCARE PROVIDER.

The Stranger Danger Lady grabbed Little nepenthe. Not faking it or a ‘sorry, that wasn’t the right solution.’ GRABBED her. Full-on arms bear-hug to the chest, up off the ground.

What the Stranger Danger Lady must not have conceived was:

Not faking it attack begets NOT FAKING IT RETALIATION.

When you lift a small child to your chest, you place the child’s feet and knees in direct relation to your groin. Little nepenthe did exactly what you should do in such a scenario: scream at the top of your lungs with abandon and kick and bite until you take your attacker to the ground. Unlike a sane person, the Stranger Danger Lady didn’t let go of Little nepenthe after the first solid kick. Or the second. The Stranger Danger Lady was bound and determined to Prove Her Point. Little nepenthe was just as determined to defend herself. She proceeded to kick with both feet and bite with impunity until they were both on the ground. Then, and only to cover her privets, the Stranger Danger lady let Little nepenthe go.

Little nepenthe got in one last kick, stormed past the bent-double parents laughing themselves sick to the strayed, forgotten red ball. She reclaimed her toy, went back to her space in the front row and sat with a huff, ball safely cradled in her lap.

Later that night, one of the parents told Little nepenthe that she needed to go an apologize to the Stranger Danger Lady because she had really hurt her.

Little nepenthe baulked at the audacity and refused. Justly, I might add.