Goes Somer * Goesomer * Gossamer

 
First night on the job. Learned that due to snowbird migration (old, retired people who come to our better climes for the winter) we are DEAD at night (at least we will be until the holidays come around). The store was open for two hours of my shift, then it was time for closing, then pulling items forward, unboxing, throwing out cardboard boxes. Two hours of very few people, then rush rush rush to get things in order before 10:30. With two of us we barely made it; my trainer said it's usually only one person doing everything.

Won't be too bored at this job.

The cats don't like it. My roommate said that Coco was freaking out since I didn't return home at the usual time. She fed them and played with my poor little Ampersand. The cats. They'll survive, but will suffer boredom and loneliness. Another reason why it's a bad idea to continue holding two jobs and all the more reason to find one decent-paying job. At least until my full-time job sends me to work from home (which they plan to do in the next few months). Then, it will behoove me to stick around w/ my full-time job and see if I can't request a raise in pay, if only until May when I get full-match on my 401-k. 

It's hard for a girl when she is valued for how much money she makes.

Yesterday's Word Count: 2 1/2 pages longhand
Today's Goal: One page longhand (see if u can't start short smut outline)

I attended the 'orientation' for my new, second job at a grocery retailer.

Host of Orientation: "We will now watch a safety video."
Host of Orientation: *Stands on cheap, rickety plastic chair to change the DVD in the ceiling LCD projector*
nepenthe: "My irony-sense is tingling"

My overall feel for how this job will go down is that it won't be so bad, but it will be constricting. Standard 3 min to clock in / clock out otherwise tardy. Regulated bathroom breaks. Time and a half pay for every Sunday worked, so GUESS WHO WILL BE WORKING EVERY SUNDAY?! My fear that there would be a dramatic gap between the time I get off of my full time job and the start of this part-time thing has been realized: Friday, I'm 6 AM-2:30 PM and 6:30 PM-10:30 PM. 'Least I can sleep in on Saturday.   That's a 4 hour gap. A waste of gas to go home and back. I think it's time I bring my laptop and sit and write in the back seat of my car. I'm also going to be taking naps, I assure you.

This new job might force me to write on the basis of there being nothing else to do.

My supervisor at my full-time job says that once we get out own server in the main office for all of our backed-up work, I will be able to work from home. If I can work from home, it won't matter in the least if there is a four hour gap -- I'll be at home!

Tonight: get shit at home done. Deposit check, clean my house, do laundry, shower. 

I need to seek a full-time job that pays me well so I don't need to juggle two jobs.

I need to write short smutty stories so that that can be my second job and pave my own way to full-time writing.

The good news is, I got a second, part-time seasonal job at a retail store! Moar money! If I can convince them to keep me on after the season's over, then I might even have a job I can turn into a fulltime job! That would have better benefits and pay!

The bad news is, I have a second, seasonal part-time job. The hours I'll work every week will go up from 40 to 50-70. That's insane. I'm not going to have a whole lot of free time. Because this job is 'seasonal,' I'll be working holidays. It's also going to make looking for a better full-time job trickier.

In other news, effex shared a link with me to the Kindle publishing page and it has ignited me. Turns out you can make a bit of spending money on the side if you write 3-5,000 word smutty fics. If I do that bi-weekly, serializing it like it used to be done in the old days of magazine publishing, I could build up a readership and make actual cashy-money. My track record for keeping on such a tight schedule is pathetic of late; I'm not the me who'd bust out a 10-page paper in three nights like I did in high school. However, nailing down a deadline with real-life consequences could be the impetus I need. Just selling 40 e-books a month would be enough to keep the cats fed and the litter boxes full. With a readership of 20 dedicated people I could pull that off. 60 readers, I'd also have food for the month. 120 and I'd cover my gas and that would be all I'd need. That's INSANE.

Maybe--just maybe--it'd be EASY. Imagine if I coupled the initiation of my short e-reads with the actual fucking completion of my fanfic (which I have been working on--I have 5000 words that about makes a chapter--there's just one more major scene for it, then in NEEDS an edit and then BIG TWIST/REVEAL).

'Course, maybe I've made this harder by getting a part-time job. Maybe this part-time job will actually force my hand. With so little free time, I cannot procrastinate anymore.

That dreadful feeling of not being able to procrastinate made me write a page longhand (vampire noveling) yesterday in spite of having an interview last night (which was time-consuming; I didn't get home until 6:15 PM).

Enough journaling, time for noveling/shortfic writing (longhand, because I'm at work)

So out of nowhere, someone contacted me about a resume I posted on Monster.com five years ago for an instructional design position. It's $30/hr and would be contracted for a year. It'd be absolutely ideal/the greatest thing to ever happen to me if it weren't out in Chesapeake, VA. Still. For that amount of money I'd best at least contact them back this afternoon and see if they don't turn their noses up and sneer at a girl who's worked in a call center for 4 years, ugh. I'm sure nothing will come of it. Whatever.

I wrote, like, a paragraph yesterday of novel. FOR SHAME.


Edit: I got a phone call and a short notice job interview tomorrow afternoon for a part-time temporary job. Wish me luck.

Don’t ask me about my job search. It is not resulting in anything. Not giving up. I’m going to pretty myself up and appear at some places I applied to this afternoon and say, “Hey, I applied. I know you at least were hiring. I am totes interested and proactive, consider me!”.

 

My novel outline is complete, along with a beat sheet. I keep staring at it as the marvel it is: not a clever idea, not a PWP, but a real, live roadmap to what might pass as a book.

 

There is a lot to do. O man, o man. There is so much to do and look at all I’ve done!  It’s a four-page, fairly detailed Outline. I’ve done just about everything on page one and a little of page two.  Yet it’s been almost a year working on this (8-ish months?). I should be much further along than I am if I’m any hope of finishing the first draft. Again, I just have to remember:  it doesn’t have to be good, it has to be done.

 

Now to set complete-scenes-by dates. This is terrifying. No more languishing, no more pacing my room (who am I kidding?) well, at least less procrastinating. More doing. More job application. Digging myself out of this mire I've been in for years.

My head hurts and my sinuses are stuffy. I am a bit concerned I might be coming down with something.

I DO NOT WANT TO BE COMING DOWN WITH ANYTHING.

Yesterday: I got errands run, food made, and I wrote a little, but not enough. I called my twin and ended up talking for way too long; she needed a chat, but it was a major time suck.

I am getting some writing done today because we are not terribly busy today. Gotta sew up a skirt for my roommate tonight. Productivity must improve.

Back to work, listing to a good writing podcast -- Writing Excuses -- and writing (hopefully outlining).

 
It's official: I did not get the job. I also applied for a credit card earlier this week and being that I have not heard back from them, I'm sure that was declined as well. 

I am irritated and disappointed. Can't totally say I'm surprised, but man, I was qualified for that job. Do you know how often that happens? Me, being qualified for a job that doesn't pay pittance? At least I know I can make it to the interview phase.

Don't want to think about it/worry/succumb to the misery my financial state finds itself in without an additional/better source of income. If only I were better paid; I'd so stick w/ my current job and novel on the side.

Back to noveling now. It's 500 word Friday.

I've got my cattle call all set for Wednesday.

This weekend I finished the character sheets and wrote out 1/4-ish of my novel outline--this would be unacceptable since I need it done and out of the way, except I wrote 5 pages, wrapping up a small but important scene. Writing the story takes precedence over organization. I also got Adult Stuff done, like cleaning and laundry. Tended my few plants (they're practically dead of heat stroke).

I don't think I'll get much done tonight and that's okay. I need to prepare for my interview, pick up groceries and make food for the rest of the week. But if I could add in a line or two to my outline, that would be bonus points to my productivity cake.

It's heartening that after two months of not reading the beginning, I read it and thought, "Not bad. Needs editing." I RESISTED THE URGE TO EDIT TOO MUCH. Moved on, worked on a new scene. I've got the first 1/4th written; the Introduction through the First Proposal (it comes a little early in this story). I will begin on the Rising Action now.

A big thanks to my friend who wrote with me on Friday, bringing Rice Krispy treats covered in chocolate. I was not feeling well and that cheered me up a lot.

Edit:

Supervisor hands me a work themed t-shirt: "I guessed on your size."
Me: "You guessed I was a large?"
Coworker: "You can wear it as a dress!"


 

 
The day is only half over, but I'd like to report how I've been adulting:

• I've applied for a job. Brings my total number of jobs applied for to 2. 2 is better than 0, but it will not gain me employment by the start of September.
• I vacuumed. Yay! Dishes are clean. Yay!
• Bought food supplies and cat fud. 
• Ate b-fast and lunch.

It is time for Writing. My goal for today is 1100 words, but primarily I need to achieve an Outline for the novel. I have a notion of plot in my head. I need to write it out and set not only Word Count deadlines, but also Story Line deadlines.

I am a fearful woman. I am afraid I will not have enough money to pay bills. I fear I will always be in debt, living just beyond my means. I fear I will remain nothing more than a hack; a dreamer. I'm so sick of being a hack. I fear that life has spent the entire year throwing chances at me like a bully at a water balloon fight and I've been fumbling and dropping balloons and missing every throw. At least I've identified one of the facets of my failure is a lack of confidence.

I gave up too early, I thought that it didn't matter whether I achieved my goal because nothing would've come of it even if I did. So wrong. So very, very wrong. 

Time to stop bemoaning and get to getting to it.

Edit: OMG, you guys. The job I submitted my application to earlier today responded back to set up an interview at an employee cattle-call. For next week!  I made it past their HR robot, the first hurdle of any job-seeker. At least the next step is to interview with a real, live human person. The response says that the job is $ 12.75+/hr which you have to admit is pretty darn close to my minimum of $ 13/hr. If they offer raises the longer you work at the company or on the basis of job performance, this will be a viable job.

You guys do realize this is the first time I have applied for a better job whilst I still have a job, right? I am anxious. So very, very anxious and a little bit terrified. This could mean an extra $ 2,000 / year for me. Better, but still not quite enough.

How do I get a job that will pay me $500/week that doesn't involve contact with irate customers?

I've completed my Character Sheets like a boss!